Vampires, Witches, Shape Shifters?

What's next for Hollywood?  They've taken some cult followed literature and banged out several series of Movies and TV shows based on prettified Hollywood monsters, and started an ugly trend.  Me?  I prefer my vampires ugly and bloodthirsty, not prone to high school malaise and intense brooding over emotional turmoil brought on by denial of their base instincts.  Werewolves became abb exposing super jocks who's clothing apparently morphs with them when they willingly transform into really big cuddly wuddly dogs, as we find, when they return to human form, their cargo shorts are in place to cover up their nether regions!  Then there's witches.  No longer relegated to the deep woods feeding off of wayward children and lost townsfolk, huddling over a big black cauldron mumbling a stream of enchantments in attempts to remove the several warts on their bulbous noses.  No, now they are, yet again, the "pretty, cool kids" with a dark, whispered secret. 
It's enough to want to make a traditionalist upchuck like Jack Nicholson in "Witches of Eastwick"! 
Last night, as it was Angela's turn to pick out the movie, I hit Red Box and surprised her with a flick she'd been wanting to see for some time "Beautiful Creatures".  Yes, another "pretty monster" film.  I love my wife, and as she has sat through many a flick of my choice that more then likely she would have NOT chosen of her own accord, I could only be magnanimous to return the gesture.  Besides, if it got to stupid I could always just pull out my phone and play Candy Crush!
Oddly enough, I didn't play Candy Crush.
Set in South Carolina, the movie opens with a voice over by the male lead, spoken in a accent which I couldn't decide was either really over done or dead on (which would be even worse were it so).  Basic premise (SPOILERS!) A young man entering his junior year of high school (see? SEE!?) has been plagued for several months with dreams of a girl he knows he loves but can't see.  He goes to school, first day and who should be enrolled in but a brooding dark haired girl, a descendant of the towns oldest and most mysterious family, the Ravenwoods (because you can't be a really dark, foreboding family unless your name contains some reference to a Raven).  OF COURSE the other kids in school mercilessly taunt her and being the backwoods, ultra religious fanatics that ALL Southern hicks are (CALM DOWN, that's called ironic sarcasm) they begin prayer vigils in class to ward off the devil.
Yea.
The love struck, "God-I-want-to-get-out-of-this-hick-town" Ethan is immediately drawn to her.  Fast forward through an awkward teenage courting ritual which, within a few minutes,  results in them professing their undying love to each other, compelling them both to ignore friends, family and a destructive curse alike and makes them willing to sacrifice themselves for each other.
WHEW!
Throw in a backdrop that looks more like the Louisiana Bayou then it does South Carolina, some hokey Voodoo, prerequisite spooky looking mansion (which when you enter, the interior looks like a swank modern day loft apartment in Manhattan) some crumbling ruins, a couple eerie graveyards and you got yourself a recipe for a hit, right!?
Not so much! 
It flopped at the box office, and got panned by most reviewers I read.  Odd thing is most MALES liked it, while females panned it.
I have a theory.
The movie doesn't take itself seriously.  It's an amalgamation of all teen heartthrob monster pic's, throwing in a smattering of Adam's family quirkiness.  The odd relatives (the Mother and Grandmother being more akin to the witches I know) and family in fighting gives it a flare of humor that brought me to one conclusion; this movie is a cleverly disguised parody of all that came before!  I never read the book so perhaps that was not the authors intention, but the director and screen writer either consciously made that choice or the glut of the genre subconsciously compelled them to do so.
The overdone accents, teen rebellion, rapid romance, the families initial revulsion at the two leads coming together then quick acceptance of it's inevitability all screams to me that "NO!  No one would  have seriously intended to be THIS  transparently contrived!  Trouble is, I think they may have been TOO subtle.  See, for parody to be effective with today's audience, you kind of have to slap them in the face REPEATEDLY with a phone book to get them to get it.  Think "Scary Movie 1 through Infinity", "Vampires Suck" or "Breaking Wind" Perhaps the numbers show that most just didn't pick that up OR maybe the movie going crowd has grown weary of revamped classic monsters.
In closing, I appreciated that the film had an ENDING and didn't leave an OBVIOUS out for a decent into trilogy!
ANYWHO!
Yesterday was by far a traditional Tuesday!  For the uninitiated that means DEAD!  Didn't help being overcast ALL day!  and the clouds didn't even yield rain until well after bed time!  However, the rain brought with it a cold front that has made today BEE-O-TI-FULL!  Still slightly cloudy, but with mild temps and a nice breeze!  PERFECT riding weather!
HINT, HINT!
And thanks to the generous smattering of newbies we picked up yesterday, we got one gorgeous goody out with several more to work with, not to mention a bevy of "cleaning out the garage" parts bikes in as well!  Oh it's like Christmas in footie pajamas around here! 
ALSO!
Watching "Premium Rush" the other day has inspired me.  As my lovely wife usually "shed's" her three speed in lieu of her road bike whenever we go out for a ride together I have opted to bring in my "Star Wars" Schwinn for a FULL re-furb!  I call it a "Star Wars" Schwinn for two reasons.  One, it's "Greedo" green AND it was manufactured in May of 1977, the premiere date for the original film!  I'm tearing her down to a single speed, shedding a lot of the weight, and putting on a 58 tooth chain ring with  three piece adapter.  Gonna log a few miles away from the "lazy boy" recumbent!
But NO spandex!
So now it's off to the races, as I have that cute Dyno in the rack and more to go!
See ya soon! (LIKE TODAY, MAN!)



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