OY!

Let me speak to all of those of you contemplating starting a family.  Get a dog instead. 
However if you feel the gravitational tug of parental instinct to strong here's what you do.  First, have a girl.  Nurture and love her make her your little princess, then utilizing scientific calculation, and family heritage determine when she in fact will  encounter the onset of her first time of...womanly thing, take her to Sweden, change her identity and get her a gender reassignment.  At which point she/he will live the re-mainder of their life as a man.  "Cause THAT'S the only way i can see you ever having the slightest chance of re-taining your tenuous sanity!
That being said, I do love my children, I was bred for chaos.  But sometimes, (especially when I get phone calls from schools!  Notice the PLURAL!) I think I would have better off with a Basset Hound!