40 Something.

In the spring of 1991 I expanded the reach of my small comic book shop to the weekend hub bub of the Grandview Flea Market in Derry, NH.  A friend and business associate at  the time had convinced me it would be good exposer for my shop and a way to make some extra weekend cash.  I leased out six tables and utilizing my plethora of back stock gave it a whirl.  Mind you, flea market vendors are a lot like "Carney" folk.  There is a certain kind of familiarity bordering on "family" that arises from the association.  Oddly enough, however, it works out to be an odd microcosm.  As the establishment is set up in a series of warehouse style buildings, each one forms it's own community.  Visiting another building was akin to traveling to a different country.  And in the center of it all, the reigning diplomat patrolling all known lands was the owners daughter, Kathy.  Her and I became good friends and shortly after meeting her she learned I was unattached.  Thereafter she tried several times to "set me up" with her children's baby sitter.  Initially, it was a no go as I learned her babysitter was only seventeen, while I was the ripe old age of 24.  But she persisted.  Occasionally updating me on her goings on, informing me that she had become pregnant in a relationship that was less then good for her and that Kathy's hope was she would finally make a clean break from it.  Working as persistent match maker she employed a tenacious constant, obviously painting me the would be "Prince Valiant".  As I had, a year before, severed myself from an equally disastrous relationship, the thought of plunging into another commitment was less then appealing.  Oddly enough, however, it became an expectant part of my weekend, each Saturday morning to sit with Kathy over coffee and have my "Angela Update".   I felt myself slowly warming up to the idea of at least meeting the young lady, but as fate would have it, on a few occasions that tentative plans were made, they fell through.  Later to find out, that on more then a few occasions Angela had gotten cold feet, as her pregnancy was now starting to show, she felt very self conscience of the fact.  After a couple attempts, I took them as a sign of her disinterest and relegated it all to the back of my mind.
On February sixteenth, 1992 I was walking through the luncheonette that connected the front building to the back one that was my area.  I had taken my dog for her late morning potty break and was coming back in when I glanced over to the counter and noticed a very lovely young lady sitting with a young boy.  As she glanced back and caught my gaze she did a double take.  That was all the incentive I needed.  I returned Sasha to my helper and informed him I needed to "go see about a girl".  Returning to the cafe I plopped down in the seat next to her and in  a very uncharacteristically bold fashion introduced myself, striking up a conversation with this lovely young creature.  I complimented her on the good manners of her young son but she was quick to inform me that he was in fact her charge, as she was his babysitter.  As we continued to indulge in idle chit chat I became aware of the all too familiar plot device of many a romantic comedy. Chemistry.  It alighted like palpable energy between both of us!  Quite frankly, until that point in my life I never TRULY knew what attraction was.  Far more then a physical sensation, it went so much deeper.   At some point in the conversation I became dully aware of someone watching us.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw Kathy standing at the base of the stairs which led to the second story office.  The young man turned and smiled saying "Mommy".  Before I had a moment to put two and two together she walked over, smiling and said "I see you two have FINALLY met!"  At that point Angela and I stared in disbelief at one another and  mouthed the words "Oh my God!"
Now, I had never been a believer in kismet or fate up until that point but in retrospect there would be no better explanation.  The timing was just TOO perfect.  Angela had had her baby.  Shortly thereafter she left a very unhealthy and dangerous relationship, on her own!  Had I come in earlier I would have been her "savior" and quite frankly I don't think that would have allowed her to realize her own inner strength, something she would need to get through some very difficult times to come.  Also, had fate waited even a few hours more, I may never had gotten the chance.  For awhile, another young man was courting her affections and by her own admission, he was quite persistent to the point of a very romantic Valentines proposal that she had been mulling over and was prepared to respond to in the positive that very evening!  Lucky for me, as our morning spent together persuaded her to let the young man down gently instead.   Even something simple as walking my dog!  Every other weekend I would walk her out the back door to a small wooded patch to do her business, but on this day at that time something compelled me to use the front door! 
And to this day I am eternally grateful that I did!
As I took the time to walk her back to Kathy's house We made plans to spend that very evening together.  Once the flea market closed and I walked back over to pick her up she informed me that her young daughter was ill and brought to the hospital and her mother was taking her there.  We postponed with a promise we would try again and it was sealed with a hug and a kiss that I never realized could be so genuine.  Later that evening we spend several hours on the phone getting to know one another and a month later her and our daughter moved in with me for good.
Our 22 years together has been anything but easy.  We have suffered the loss of our second child, that disastrous misfortune alone has broken up more relationships then I can ever count.  But we not only survived it but went on to bore seven more beautiful lives.  We have endured abject poverty, homelessness (twice).  We have lived precariously with neither water nor electricity in the dead of winter and blistering heat of summer.  We have restarted our lives from square one more times then I wish to count!  But through it all she has shown me time and time again not only the strength of family but the importance of it.   She alone is responsible for our persistent survival.  Oh, it hasn't been all happy "Walton's" style bliss!  No, there have been  times where we both have wanted to kill each other (and a couple of times I think we have tried), and Lord knows, there were moments where she wanted me gone or I've wanted to walk out, but it would be Ying without it's Yang. 
Everyone at one time or another indulges in daydreaming flights of fancy, and I am no exception.  But I can truthfully say that there is no reality that my imagination can create that doesn't include her or our children.  She did that for me.  It is her tenacity and her stern temperament, along with a unperturbed maternal instinct that has bore this family through so much adversity only to surface on the other side, relatively unscathed and whole.  In short, SHE and she alone truly taught me what love really means.
She may lament her aging or be self conscious of her changing body but regardless of how much we may both sag, or expand or wrinkle, we will do it together.  And I won't stop loving her in spite of it.
I wish her the very best 40th birthday, on this, her day!