There's an old adage my Mother taught me. I learned it very well way back in 1980. It was Mid afternoon one summer and her and I had taken some laundry to the local laundry mat and while we were waiting to switch from wash to dry two local thugs were passing by and noticed me and decided to come in and start crap. My Mother was, at that point, in the adjacent office talking to the manager as the two started familiar taunts. These two boys were several years my seniors, and to a very scrawny 13 year old, they were Goliath to my Sampson. Only I didn't have the benefit of a slingshot. Once my mother noticed the hubbub she stepped in. Now, lets be clear, my mother is about five foot nothing and small framed, but with the ferocity of a lioness defending her cub, without concern for her own well being she stepped in the middle and gave them a thorough verbal thrashing, and they skulked away. As she stood watching them slither away, poised to strike, I couldn't help but inquire as to why she put her self in such imminent danger (quite honestly at that impressionable age I was convinced my Mother really didn't care to much for me) she turned around and I saw her face quickly change from one of anger to gentle compassion and with a sly grin she stated "Only family, Fu@k's with family!"
So it has been, with that credo in mind, I have tried to instill the same belief in my children. A task greatly assisted by my falling in love with, and coupling with a very feisty Irish woman.
Knowing this now, you'll understand the swell of pride I got yesterday when I was informed of an incident after school yesterday. Every child's school career is burden with the occasional bully, Owen is no exception. Quite frankly, with his hyper active, somewhat abrasive personality, he tends to get on some folks nerves at times. However in this case it appears that his penchant for righting injustices is the culprit. A very admirable trait, he is a firm believer that if he sees wrong he will intervene. A young girl in his class was being picked on by a larger boy and Owen stepped in and in no uncertain terms, ordered the boy to stop. Now Owen is small (his three year old sister is close to eye to eye with him) but he more then makes up for it in fortitude (think Spartan child) and can hold his own. Apparently this intervention drew the anger of the young thug. The rule in our house for dealing with bullies is report first to a teacher, but if it continues, stand your ground. Don't throw the first punch, throw the last. However, even with that knowledge he withheld his ire yesterday when confronted at the cross walk. The bully in question started in, verbally at first then pushed down his bike, kicking the tire. Words were exchanged but he held back, perhaps waiting for the first strike, which quickly came in the way of a face slap. HOWEVER, before Owen could act, Elijah (the imposing seventeen year old in charge of picking up the three elementary kids) ferociously intervened, and in his very best guttural growl stated....well, lets just say I CANNOT repeat the words he uttered, but suffice to say the little animal scurried away, tail firmly tucked underneath.
All this was retold to me in a fervor last night, and being the diplomat that I am I had to cast warning to our eldest that getting involved in a fight with an elementary student would not be wise. Honestly though, I could not conceal my feelings of admiration, respect and pride in the revelation that my children, however much they might fight amongst themselves will not hesitate to not only step in to help someone else but be there for each other when the call arises. Of course, wanting to avoid any further confrontations I took Owen in this morning to talk to the appropriate people at the school, and to also pose the question as to why the crossing guards did NOTHING to intervene. Also to inform them in no uncertain terms that were they NOT to take it seriously and handle the problem, I could not guarantee that neither Owen nor Elijah wouldn't take care of the problem. I do SO hope they stick to their assertion that they will remedy this today. I have no desire for any of them to have to withstand an inevitable escalation.
Is it bad of me to contemplate the similarities of these children in comparison with the protagonists in "Boon Dock Saint's"?
Does that make ME Billy Conolly?
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Steven-
ReplyDeleteAs always, I come away with renewed respect for both you and your family, and will put this offer in writing: I grew up as an Amry brat. My father was, at the very least, a remarkably dangerous man. I would be honored to pass along some of what I was taught by him to anyone with your last name that might make good use of the information.
And that's all I have to say about that.
yes, but will you have to kill them after you tell them?
ReplyDeleteAfter I tell 'em, I won't be able to. That would be the whole point of the conversation.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, it's all about just giving them the self-confidence they need to face the situation and not look like a patsy. Sometimes, all you need to do is LOOK dangerous.
But it does help if you are. That way you're not faking it.
fortunately, they all can look WAY mean if necessary. And void of fear, not many bullies continue for very long.
DeleteLet me tell you as a school bus driver. I have an opinion/rule that "you dont have to like the people your sitting with or near, but you do have to get along with them in a way such as to not distract me from driving the bus. If you dont, I will turn the bus around and return to the school so your parents can talk to the administrators and give you a ride home." The peer pressure alone is usually enough to keep the baddies in-check. =) As a parent, fortunately, I never really had to deal with any of this bullying nonsense, and I'm not sure how I would have handled it. When I was a kid times were different... our solutions probably wouldn't work nowadays.
ReplyDeleteYes, nowadays it seems coddling and sympathizing is the apparent approach to hoodlums. Honestly, I think it's a way for the states to make money. Think about it, useless state agency intervention that puts the juveniles through useless, federally funded counseling, then when they hit 18 and are no better off, get locked up in the prison system, provided for with federal funds! It's a win/win for the budget policy makers! Taking them out to the "woodshed" can't line ANYONES pockets!
DeleteThese are not our times.
ReplyDeleteI have only been bullied once in my life a long time ago when I was in Junior High, by a very large older boy. (Ok, yeah, when you're my height, they're all larger.) It did not go well for him, but as far as I know, we never heard from his lawyer or his dentist.
And he did not bother me again.